Remembrance
by KarismaJulian4Ever
Summary: A Reela. Set after '21 Guns' Speculation on Season 13. Ray and Neela PoV.


He wished that it hadn't gotten so complicated.

When Ray Barnett entered his apartment, he tossed his keys onto the kitchen table and surveyed the place. Clothes were strewn all over the place, and boxes of Lucky Charms had fallen topsy turvy on the kitchen table, colorful marshmallows streaming out of the cereal boxes.

It was a hellish day in the ER. Post the shooting, Ray had worked tirelessly on the vast array of patients that had been injured, including Jerry. And now he was back home, so tired that he could easily have fallen asleep on the sofa.

His mind replayed the incident with Pratt earlier that day before Gallant's funeral. "Give her some space, man," Pratt advised. When Ray questioned him, Pratt simply replied "You would uh…complicate it"

All he wanted was to erase those very complications that stood between him and Neela. He wanted her as a friend again.

Ray missed Neela. He missed their movie nights, their bantering and the fact that Neela could always set him straight. Although, he could get in his own "Neela, what the h are you doing?" moments as well.

He was glad that she wasn't in the hospital that day when the prisoners had gone all gun-happy and started shooting. He didn't think he could bear it if something had happened to her.

Neela.

Was it some sort of curse that Ray couldn't stop thinking about her? Why did he have to fall for a married woman---now widow? Sometimes, the feelings just hurt so much, because there was an overflow of them.

Would he really ever hear from Neela again? Really and truly? Yes, they had exchanged vague pleasantries, but it was a far cry from what had been. Maybe one more phone call. But Neela wasn't returning them---any of them. Yes, Ray knew Neela was grieving, but still he selfishly wanted a sign…anything to know that he still had hope.

He sighed. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe he had misread Neela. Maybe she didn't love him like he loved her and didn't want to hurt him. Or maybe….

Ray sighed again. He just wished that it wasn't so complicated.

Neela returned to her own apartment that night. It was cold and completely empty. Still, nothing was there. She had not yet figured out what she was going to do. She had to change the apartment criteria now. One room instead of two or three. She thought back to the day:

The funeral. How flashes of Gallant had come into her mind. But the memories weren't really filled with love. They were memories of him going back, of their arguments, and of his final departure. What was running through her mind in a way was not love anymore, but resentment. How he had left her to pick up the pieces. _Yes, I loved him, but was I ever in love with him? No._ But Neela brushed that aside and thought about the return to the ER.

The first thing she did when she got back to the hospital was work on a multitude of patients. A mixture of fear and worry rose into her.

There was complete devastation in the ER. Shattered glass covered the floor and she could see the main desk riddled with bullets. In the background, she heard cops speak on walkie-talkies, as well as moans and groans coming out of the various rooms of the ER. When Pratt had first informed her about what had happened, she couldn't take it in. Could the day have gotten any worse? Neela had gone to one funeral. For her husband for crying out loud. Must she need to attend another?

She heard Pratt in the background. "How did this happen?"

"Prison breakout. They took Sam and Alex," Haleh replied. "We need you two to handle the wounded."

Neela wondered where Abby and Luka were.

But the first thing that came out of her mouth was "I don't see Ray. Is he okay?"

Pratt and Haleh had both turned on her and given her long, searching glances, before Haleh said, "Yes, he's okay."

Neela had instinctively bit her lip and cursed herself for mentioning Ray. Ray. But she was glad she has asked. Otherwise, she would not have been able to concentrate.

She walked into the ER. Morris gestured to her about Jerry and she mechanically placed gloves on her hands.

They saved Jerry that day.

But although there was relief in Neela's mind about that, she experienced a greater sense of relief when she saw Ray pass by. An alive Ray. Her eyes had wistfully followed him until she saw him disappear into the next hallway.

Neela shut her eyes and let her mind slide to something she had been avoiding for days. Ray and how she felt about him.

The honest truth? She didn't know. Well, actually she did. But _I'm not prepared to face it still just yet. I need time. _

She knew that if he waited, it would be a short matter of time before she fell in love with him.


End file.
